How To Network: For Introverts-内向的人如何建立人际网络

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I have a problem. I’m an introvert. I’m not shy. I’m not afraid of being in public. But I am horrible at chit-chat and gossip. If I spend an evening at a social function with people I don’t know or don’t like, I get home and feel like I’ve spent all day at the ocean. It’s that fighting-the-waves and drained-by-the-sun kind of tired. I would rather spend four hours with my head stapled to the carpet. I would be more comfortable that way.

我是一个内向的人,这对我来说是一个问题。我并不害羞,也不害怕处在公共场合。但是我害怕闲谈和聊天。如果我一整晚和我不认识的或者不喜欢的人一起在一个社交场合,那么回到家之后我会觉得自己航了一天海。那种疲惫就像是在烈日下搏击风浪。我宁愿把头埋在毯子里四个小时,这样我会感觉好一点。

In engineering school, I was fine. Engineering classes aren’t particularly interactive, and in study groups, we only spoke when needed. In business school… well that was tough. I tried to sit in the back most of the time so as not to participate. But it was a mistake not to go to all the social functions. There are probably people from my classes in high places now, and they won’t remember me and I don’t know what they do.

在工程学校我过得很好。工程课不是非常的互动,在学习小组里我们也只在必要的时候说话。但是在商学院……情况就不好了。我不想参与课堂,所以通常尽量坐在后排。但是不参加任何社交活动是不对的。我的同学里现在应该有不少上流人士,但是他们不会记得我,我也不知道他们在做什么。

For better or for worse, connections make the world go round. Just this week I was reading about the importance of networks in the VC industry. It applies to all of business though. Knowing lots of people reduces your headaches by a factor of 10 when you need to get something done. Requests from strangers don’t get filled as quickly as requests from acquaintances or friends. If you don’t network, you find yourself in situations (particularly as an entrepreneur or business owner) where you need someone with a certain skill set and you don’t even know where to start looking. Then you have to advertise a position or opportunity, and weed through the applicants to find the 5% that are actually worth talking to.

无论好坏,联系使这个世界运转。就在这个星期,我读到了人际网络在风险投资业的重要性。这一点对其他产业也适用。如果你认识不少人,当你想搞定一些事情的时候,他们会大大地帮你减轻烦恼。如果你不去交往,你(特别当你是企业主或者老板时)会遇到想要有某一门技术的人却不知道去哪里找的情况。于是你就要去登招聘广告,然后从申请人中筛选出真正值的一谈的5%。

Over the last 7 years I’ve made a lot of progress. Here’s what I’ve learned about networking as an introvert.

在过去的7年里,我取得了很大的进步,下面是我这个内向的人对人际网络的了解。

Networking is an investment, not a nuisance.
Imagine if you could always find what you needed in just 1 or 2 phone calls. If you are well networked, you probably can. By putting in the time to build your network, you save time when you need to get things done. Well networked people don’t have to waste time firing off random emails to people they don’t know, buying leads or industry lists, or hunting through hundreds of resumes for the right candidate. Pick your poison. Do you want to put in the time now, or later?

人际网络是一项投资而不是浪费。

想想你是否能够打一两个电话就找到你想要的东西。如果你有良好的人际网络,你应该就可以。通过投资时间建立人际网络,你在需要搞定事情的时候就可以节省时间。拥有良好人际网络的人不用耗费时间向不认识的人随机群发电邮、购买线索或行业名单、或者从上百的简历中挑出合适的应聘者。做出选择吧,你想现在花点时间呢还是以后再补?

At first, you have to kiss a lot of frogs.
Sometimes you have to start by picking events at random. You spend an hour in a very uncomfortable setting, but you learn what to go to and what to skip. Eventually you find a few people or events that you like.遇到王子之前,你要吻很多青蛙。一开始时你可能要盲目地选择参加的社交活动。你可能会在一个不喜欢的场合痛苦地呆上一个小时,但是从中可以学到哪些活动需要参加,哪些活动需要跳过。最终,你会找到一些你喜爱的人和活动。Don’t spend too much time on it.
If you wear yourself out, you won’t ever want to do it. Accept your limitations and just do 1 or 2 events a month. It takes a long time to build these relationships, so it’s better to stick with a few groups over the long haul than 10 groups for two months.
不要花太多时间。如果你把自己累坏了,你就再也不想去建立人际网络了。制定一个上限,一个月只参加一至两个活动。关系的建立需要很长时间,所以与少一点的圈子保持长期的关系比参加很多圈子却只能保持短暂关系好。Do cool things.
Introverts typically don’t like to talk about themselves – we prefer to talk about ideas. Force yourself to discuss some of the things you’ve done. Don’t brag, make sure they are relevant to the conversation. Then the extroverts can talk about you and pass your achievements along. It gives you credibility in some circles. Yes, I realize you would rather be accepted for what you think and know, but the truth is that the world measures you by what you do.
把酷的想法做出来。

内向的人通常不喜欢谈论自己——我们更喜欢谈论想法。影响自己去谈论一些自己做过的事情。不要自吹自擂,要切题。这样那些外向的人会谈论起你,传说你的成就。这会增加你在一些圈子里的信誉。我知道人们更喜欢你的好点子和知识,但这个世界只看你做了什么。

Invite people to lunch.
Or invite them to coffee or for a beer after work. If you meet a fellow introvert, he/she is unlikely to do the inviting, so you have to do it.邀请别人共进午餐。或者你可以下班之后请他们喝咖啡和啤酒。因为如果对方也是一个内向的人,他或她不会邀请你,所以你要做出邀请。Go regularly to things you like.
When I was living on the Space Coast, I went to a group called Founders Forum. It was for entrepreneurs and investors. I learned a lot at the meetings, but it took about 6 months for people to start recognizing me and saying hi. It was uncomfortable, being 23 in a room of mostly middle aged people. You just have to keep showing up, month after month.
经常做你喜欢的事情。我住在太空海岸(译者注:Space Coast)的时候,我参加了一个为企业主和投资者开设的创业者论坛圈子。我在其中学到了很多东西,但是那里的人们直到6个月之后才开始认出我、向我打招呼。作为一个23岁的人,和满屋子中年人在一起并不舒服,但你需要经常地露面,月复一月。

Analyze your results.
Introverts are intuitive and analytical. Use that skill. What is working? What isn’t? Where do you get the most bang for your buck?
分析你的成果。

内向的人有很好的直觉、善于分析。那就利用这点长处。你的关系里什么是有用的,什么不是?你最大的阻碍是什么?

Find the key nodes in the network.
Don’t find a marketing person, find someone who knows lots of marketing people and then invite that person to lunch. If networking wears you out, you will be better off finding the ten key people who all know lots of other people, than finding and maintaining fifty relationships. This takes a long time because it is hard to find the right person. Look for introverts that, for whatever reason, are in jobs that force them to be well connected. Extroverts that share one of your core passions are also a good match.

找出你人际网络中的关键点。

不要找一个销售人员,找一个认识很多销售人员的人,然后请那个人吃午饭。如果人际网络让你感到疲惫,那么找十个认识很多人的关键人物会比找到和保持五十个联系人好很多。找到合适的关键人要花很多时间。找那些因工作原因(无论出自什么理由)而要和很多人保持良好关系的内向的人。那些和你有着共同爱好的外向的人也是很好的选择。

Don’t network just for the sake of networking.
There is a book called “Never Eat Alone”. That’s all fine and good for extroverts, but we introverts can’t network just to network. As you meet more people, focus on spending your time with the ones that are the best fit, and focus less on meeting new people.
不要只为了社交而去建立人际网络。

有一本书叫《永远不要独自吃饭》(译者注:Never Eat Alone)。对于外向的人来说,书上讲的都不错,但是我们内向的人不能为了社交而社交。随着你认识越来越多的人,专注于那些与你最合得来的人,不必过多的专注于认识新的人。

The hardest part for me was the first few events. I sometimes feel like I don’t know what to say when I meet new people. I would be soooo much more comfortable if someone started a conversation by asking me what I thought of utilitarianism as a way to make ethical decisions, or whether Sarbanes-Oxley has encouraged companies to list on other exchanges. Ideas usually seem so much more interesting than people. But, by sticking it out, month after month, I’ve slowly learned some good things to say, and grown more comfortable meeting strangers. So trust me when I say it gets easier.
一开始的几次活动对我来说比较困难。有时我不知道该和新认识的人说些什么。如果有人以诸如“你如何看待以功利的观点做关于伦理的决定?”、“Sarbanes-Oxley法案有没有鼓励公司去做‘交易’。”的问题开始一段谈话,我会感觉好很多。我通常觉得想法观点比人本身有趣。但是,通过坚持,月复一月,我慢慢地懂得说一些巧妙的话,认识陌生人也觉得比以前舒服了。所以相信我,与人交往总会变得简单。

The majority gets to set the rules, and the majority of people are extroverts (70% I think). Networking is an important key to unlocking your own potential. So play by the rules of the game the best that you can, or don’t sit and complain when you have a great idea and no one to help you launch it. I hope you can learn from my experiences, so that you don’t waste as much time as I did fighting the inevitable.

规则总是大多数人制定的,而外向的人占了大多数(我猜有70%)(译者注:MBTI人格理论认为当你比56%的人外向时你就可以算是外向的了,换句话说,该理论认为56%的人可以被认为是内向的)。人际网络是一把释放你潜能的重要钥匙。所以尽你的力去按照规则游戏,不然就不要干坐着抱怨没人把你的奇思妙想化为现实。我希望你可以从我的经验中学点什么,这样你就不用走一些我走过的弯路了。

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